There are times when I get great satisfaction from my dietary virtuousness.
Those days when I sip on cleansing japanese miso soups with delicate pieces of tofu floating on the top. The Zen path.
Days when I breakfast on a feast of fresh fruits, and lunch on fat free/homemade/organic Vegan soups.
I have conquered my desire to eat meat (actually, less of the 'conquering', more of the 'went off it cos it made me feel ill', so easy really)
which means that overall, I can polish off that smug halo hanging above my head and walk around with a cocky 'check me out' swagger.
Then there are other times, like tonight, when I want nothing more than to roll around in chocolate, and get caught in some over-the-top food related metaphor, like 'that window scene with the priest' in the film 'Chocolat.' (There are also some scenes in my head with Johnny Depp that I would like to add a couple of bars of 'Chocolat' to, preferably melted...). 'To be fair, I don't deny myself enough to EVER indulge in such extremes of excess. When I get the desire for temptation, I give in almost instantly. If I need a chocolate fudge brownie, I hunt one down. Instant gratification. I don't get in the car unless I have a 'comfort stash' of chocolate to hand. Traffic lights can be stressful. I also like to balance out my virtuousness with a respectful amount of indulgence. For example, my yoga class on monday night was just brilliant. I had to celebrate achieving the variation on The Plough, by scoffing 5 Jaffa Cakes into my mouth as fast as I could, when I got home. Nirvana, right there.
My friend once described me as a see-saw personality, that swung from being all 'Carrie-like', confident, experimental, clever-ish and up-for-a-laugh one minute (and big haired), to the 'Charlotte-esque' puritan-easily-shocked-and-horrified goody-two-shoes the next. I'm a bit of both, for sure. Scarily, more Charlotte than Carrie the older I get. (who'd have thought?!?) Forgive the SATC comparisons, but we all understand the analogy, so it works, which is why I say that when it comes to food, I swing from being Charlotte one minute, all wheat & dairy free, to Samantha the next...all calories and full fat cheese, plus the the full bodied red wine (and the rest).
When it comes to food, as with so many other things, there is little room for half measures.
And what a way to live!
One school of thought says we are here one earth to experience All That Is, so that we may know Who We Really Are, and that is 'That Which Is Closest To The Divine.' The Divinity in Us. Well, if experiencing the divine means indulging in the pleasures of the gift of food, then may I reach 'heaven'/Salvation/Nirvana/Samadhi/union with divine consciousness / with a big plate of chocolate brownies and a bottle of Shiraz. My yogic education tells me this can never be so, but ooooooh, if only! That would be a path to follow.
